Last night we took the kids to dinner to have some family time. During dinner I start talking to them about what it’s like to go to college. I make sure to focus on the fact in college they are independent and no one will be standing over their shoulder telling them to do their homework or going online to find out if they are missing assignments. They were very nonchalant about the conversation. However, I think I was very real about the conversation. My husband and I understand first hand how it is to lose track in high school and be more focused on outside stuff instead of your education. This is why he went to vocational school and I went to the ARMY. I’m trying my best to set them up now so, they are able to manage themselves later. I told them about all the parties, the girls/boys, and freedom they will have. I also told them about all the ones that returned home because they forgot in the process they had to study and attend class.
After dinner my daughter decided to ride with me to Target (favorite store in the world) . While at Target I spoke to her about relationships. I shared my downfalls in relationships and my victories. We discussed friendships and self-worth. I was very candid in my responses to her and shared with her my own struggles. As to why I am able to tell her the things that I do. I explained my childhood and why I’m not so willing to allow her to go to just any sleepover. I definitely went the honesty route.
Parents we have to let our children know about our past failures and experiences. If not, they are going to think we are just shooting out the ass and want them to be miserable. It’s okay to let them know that you haven’t been perfect or had it all together. If you used drugs tell them and tell them what you experienced. Tell them your failures they love you unconditionally. Stop hiding your children from the world because one day they will be out there alone not sure of how to navigate it. They may fall for some girl or some guy that will feed them a bunch of crap and lead them to a world of heartache and disappointment.
Well that’s just my thoughts.
I think sometimes we get so boggled down with our kids and our marriage that we forget about us and what we need to do for ourselves. I try to be a firm believer that everything happens in ours lives happens for a reason. This is easier said than done sometimes. Like right now I’m obsessing on how it is taking 7 years to complete a 2 year graduate degree. This is something I want (I think I want it) and it’s something I need to move further in my career.
I’m sitting here trying to figure out how I managed to get a 4 year degree while having toddlers and here it is my kids are teenagers and I can’t seem to find the time or focus to finish this degree that can expand my career and take it to another level. Where did my drive and ambition go to I focus so much on my kids that it just slowly left me and now I’m just focused on how to get them through these years and off to college themselves.
I’ve given myself until the Spring 2016 semester to return to school not only because it’s important but, because I will be dropped from my program. I’m starting to think that I’m letting the fear of failure hold me back from achieving my goals. It’s hard when you have this nagging voice telling you to give up. And then it’s a little voice telling you to push forward.
So, here today I plan to focus on moving forward and I will finish my degree and accomplish something that I hold near and dear to my heart. If that means the kids will have to take a back seat for a semester so be it. I’m determined to finish what I started.
If you have a dream, goal, or a push to do something. Get off your butt and do it because the only way to fail is if you try. You can’t fail if you never tried in the first place. Join me in putting on our big girl/boy pants and making things happen in our lives.
“Fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love.” (Rick Warren)
Where is a parenting manual when you need it? I swear as your children get older it appears to get harder. My kids are very smart;however, why didn’t anyone tell me that when they hit 6th grade they lose their minds. You would have thought I learned from the first two and was prepared for the the 3rd one. Oh No! I just knew he was going to be focused and do what he’s suppose to do. But, he too is adjusting to being a 6th grader and I’m trying to give him time to find his groove.
Not saying my kids are not making good grades in school because they are it’s just the homework. I admit I work a lot and so a lot of my time is just stopping at the house long enough for everyone to pile in the car and head to practice. Yet, when I come home I’m checking planners for homework even in the 6th, 8th, and 9th grade. Lately we have been turning in late assignments, no assignments, and staying up late completing homework that should have been done hours ago. I’m trying hard not to be a Tiger Mom; however, like I said before I know what they are capable of and I will not allow them to fall below their potential.
My biggest fear is that they are going to grow up and follow in my footsteps and not live up to their full potential. When I got to high school I got lazy and was more into socializing than focusing on school work. I was not focused on college, careers, or even the future. I was only focused on the present. I lived in the present so long that I did not properly set myself up for future success.
So, now I’m buying dry eraser calendars, on pinterest finding printables, and doing everything in my power to get them organized. I’m trying to do everything in my power to help them be successful. No one said it would be easy but, Lord knows I didn’t think it would be this hard. But, I know I have good kids and it’s my job to raise them the best way I know how.
Well enough of my Middle School Blues!
P. S. Check out my must haves for surviving life:
As the new school year approaches I find myself thinking about what are the expectations I’m setting for my kids this year. I have added some components to help us be organized such as a Family Command Center
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/356136283011453760/ . This is not my actual command center; however, it is what I am working towards. I often get a lot of my peers on Facebook inboxing me about how do I keep my kids on track (honor roll, high test scores, and athletics). My answer to that is I set standards and expectations for my children. This has been something my husband and I have done since they entering preschool. This goes for school work and behaviors.
If you allow your child to think that “C’s” are acceptable than you will start to get “C’s.” I have high expectations for my children because I am fully aware of what their capabilities. If they struggle I remind them of the importance of working harder. We live in the world where nothing is impossible but, it is all a matter of how much effort are you willing to put into it. Have confidence in your children and be aware of their needs. Children will see your confidence and they will learn to have confidence within themselves. Praise your children when they meet your expectations and offer them assistance and encouragement when they do not. Once you set the bar it goes pretty far in raising hardworking children.
Just a reminder teachers can not do it alone. It’s the love, support, and participation from parents that take our children to the next level.
Through all our struggles my kids are my world. I must say I have some of the smarted and talented kids. From football to dance and honor roll to the International Baccalaureate I must say they do it all. Yet in still at times they drive me crazy. I don’t know how many times I can repeat myself in one day but, I’m sure I’m setting some type of world record.
Though my kids do it all and I try to do it the best I can; however, at times I feel like a failure. I feel like a failure as a mother, wife, and in my life. On a daily basis I juggle so many task and often times I’m too tired to even complete. I look at others especially single mothers and they appear to be handling life far better than me. Here I am married with four kids and two jobs, yet still I’m struggling daily to hold it together.
I pray daily and I try not to worry yet. It is so hard to stay focus and have faith.
So I started this entry last week when I was living in a moment of self-doubt. Yet, I know deep in my heart that I am the best parent that I can be and my kids are a direct reflection of me. I smile today knowing that despite my storm someone else is going through one far greater than mines.
So for today I am maintaining my sanity and moving forward focusing on being a better all around me.